Tick Tock....

Boy am I eager to complete this home study step and move on already! It has taken ages to get the home study from our local agency over to Holt and I have to admit, we are getting a bit antsy. We realize we are going to have to deal with waiting throughout this process so we try not to get too worked up at each stage. It's just very hard to know that our baby may already be born and it is rough to wait to get our hands on our little guy or girl or at least know whether it is a boy or girl. I feel very lucky that we have two biological daughters keeping us busy and entertained while we wait. So many couples have already gone through years of infertility and now have to wait through a long journey of unknowns before they can bring their child home. I'm pretty sure I would go absolutely insane without the distraction of two toddlers to occupy my every waking moment.

I wonder what our baby's gender is and what his or her name is. I wonder the circumstances under which she came to be placed for adoption and the care she is in now. Is she even born? Does she have biological brothers or sisters? Does she have any family members alive? This is so different from my pregnancies during which I took every precaution possible - no walking through x-rays at airports, no eating raw meats or fish or cheese that wasn't pasteurized. No coffee. No wine. No standing too close to the microwave. It all seemed so controlled. But the truth is, whether I carry my child or someone else does the honors, we have little control over how our babies come to us. As diligent as I was with both my pregnancies, my first daughter was born 7 weeks premature and my second sent me on bed rest due to early labor. But they are fine now just as I suspect my third will be once he or she finally finds his way to our home. And until then, I'll just have to settle for wondering...