Meeting Kaleb

 

We just returned from 2.5 weeks in Ethiopia. People ask how our trip was and I honestly have no idea how to answer. There is no word or phrase or even five minute conversation that can sum up the vast amount we saw and the range of emotions we felt.  In the Omo Valleyin the south of the country, we visited about a half dozen tribes. Some decorated their bodies with paint while another tribe’s tradition was stretching out the lower lip and inserting enormous discs into the stretched out space. The Hammer tribe women must cover their bodies in an orange clay which is to seep into their skin and shaved heads over a four month period. Only then can they get married. We visited one woman in the middle of this process. The hut in which she was“parked” was hot. Really hot. Yet, there was a blazing fire where the hostess of the house was roasting coffee for us. She served it in huge cups which were like hollowed out pumpkins while her naked toddler wandered over to her and helped himself to some milk from her breast. Conveniently, all the women are topless.

Our travels in the Omo Valley were by Land Cruiser.  No other vehicle could possibly have maneuvered the rocky dirt roads.  Asphalt is a rare luxury in Ethiopia.  We had a driver and a tour guide which sounds frivolous but it’s not.  It’s really the only way to travel in Ethiopia.  Between tribe visits, we stopped at markets where natives traded livestock like cattle and chickens as well as teff flour, coffee beans, hops, and locally produced woven blankets, tapestries and scarves.  We were often the only “forenges” (foreigners) as they called us and they were mesmerized by us.  Children stroked our arms as if our white skin might feel different from theirs.  They wanted me to take my sunglasses off to see my eyes and they ran their hands over our hair.  As we tried to make our way through the markets, they held our hands as if we were BFF’s.  We felt like celebrities. 

We hardly noticed the long drives that often ate up entire afternoons.  There was so much beautiful scenery – mountains and wildlife and PEOPLE.  In cities and villages, they were everywhere, walking the streets, always burdened by a back full of sticks or plastic jugs to transport water.  No one really owns cars so they walked from their village for miles in the hot, dry heat, many of the women sporting long dresses and scarves to cover their heads, to procure supplies.  There was no look of discontent, no complaining.  This was – is – their life.  As we got further from the towns, people would be more sparse, but there would always be a few, here and there.  What surprised us most were the young children, miles from any town, by themselves, just kind of hanging out.  There were two year olds, entirely nude, waiting for us “forenges” to drive by and as we approached, they would do little dances and shout, “hello, hello, hello,” in hopes we would stop and throw a granola bar or something out the window.  But visitors are not encouraged to do this, as tempting as it is.  Our tour guide assured us these children had homes and, like cats, would wander back when they got bored or hungry. 

In the North part of the country, we visited Lalibella – the rock churches and monestaries dating back to the ninth century.  We also spent a couple of unexpected nights at a resort in Deibre Zeyet, an hour and a half outside the capital, and a much needed reprieve from all our travels. Throughout our journeys, we feasted on local cuisine, drank the local wines and beers, and took great pleasure in eating with our hands as is customary.  We saw baboons, camels, mini deer-like creatures called dik diks, crocodiles, hippos, and all kinds of exotic birds.  And of course herds and herds of cows, goats and donkeys, sometimes outnumbering the huge volume of people in the streets.

As time permits over the next weeks (okay, months), I plan to post our day by day adventures.  Because there were many.  But despite the vacation of a lifetime, the highlight, of course, was meeting our son.  On Sunday, March 24th, our itinerary with our adoption agency began.  We flew from the south to Addis Ababa and stayed the night at Lucyland, a guesthouse most families adopting through our agency stay at.  By Ethiopian standards, it has all the bells and whistles including a driver who was happy to take us wherever we wanted and a chef who fed us well.

The next morning, we boarded a van along with another adoptive couple and drove to the agency offices where we were given an overview of Ethiopian culture and what to expect at the care center as well as a massive file with all our paperwork including Kaleb's birth certificate with an infant picture we had never seen. 

Then we drove three hours along the typical Ethiopian bumpy roads to Hossana, stopping along the way for a really great authentic Ethiopian lunch.  We arrived to Hossana early so checked into the hotel - $12/night! - and were told to meet in the lobby in an hour.  We decided to explore the town our son was from since we did not anticipate much more free time during our short stay in the area.  We found a driver who took us in a tuk tuk (three wheel taxi) all over.  He spoke no English, but pointed out different areas of the town and was so proud and gracious that we wanted to see his hometown, that we were several minutes late to leave for the care center - not something we really meant to be late for!!

We cannot yet post full pictures of Kaleb

The drive to the center was short, but felt like an eternity.  My heart was racing.  In just a few minutes, the moment we had been envisioning for the last 2.5 years would come to fruition.  I was prepared for stranger anxiety - tears, fear, possibly not being able to hold him as I so wanted to do.  We entered through a gate and found ourselves in a courtyard outlined with mattresses covered in blankets on which infants and toddlers could play.  There was a group of three children to our left - two boys and a girl.  The girl belonged to the other couple we were with and the care taker presented her to them and after she burst into tears, explained that stranger anxiety is normal and helped them transition and settle down with her.  We hung back taking it all in.  "There he is," James said, pointing toward the two boys.  "Which one?" I asked.  I couldn't seem to match a face to the pictures we had - plus, I wasn't really thinking straight.  Then one of the nannies picked up our son and brought him over to me.  I had trained for this for months - Jill, do not snatch him up and waltz him around the courtyard and expect him to giggle and hug you and never want to let you go.  So instead, I bent down to eye level and said a simple hi.  The nanny offered him to me and he didn't resist.  And that was that.  No crying.  So I hugged him close and again, he didn't resist.  I could have stayed like that for hours, but I decided it was only fair to let James have a chance and once again, when Kaleb was handed off to him, no tears.  Just a chilled out little man with curiosity written all over his face.  We played with him on the mattress and he liked these little plastic links we brought.  Twice, he whimpered, but it seemed to be more of a contagious cry as a result of some other kids melting down.  Once we picked him up and cuddled him, he stopped immediately. 

After more playing and cuddling and walking around the courtyard, the nannies offered coffee (which in Ethiopia you just don't refuse), so we gathered around a table where they placed a basket of popcorn to nibble on.  James, a huge popcorn fan, asked if Kaleb could have some.  They said sure,  but he didn't seem to know what to do with it, so James popped a piece in my mouth to demonstrate that it is food.  Right away, he took a piece and popped it in my mouth.  Then he decided feeding me was fun and he meticulously broke off teeny tiny crumbs of popcorn and continued the game.  When his sippy cup of rice cereal came out, though, that was the end of that.  He grabbed his cup and sucked it down in record time.  He saved a little at the end though, and offered it to me.

When we left that evening, we couldn't stop smiling.  We couldn't have imagined a smoother introduction to our son or a child more perfectly suited for us.  Kaleb is laid back, trusting, and kind and best of all, he loves his food.  He is, indeed, a Meyer.

That evening we ate dinner at the hotel restaurant and once again, our feelings about the virtuous people of Ethiopia were confirmed.  The owner of the restaurant helped us pick some local dishes and took great care in making sure we enjoyed our meal. 

The following morning, we visited with Kaleb again.  We prepared ourselves for a meltdown.  Maybe yesterday was a fluke.  He could very well be in a totally different mood today.  But he was the same mellow little guy we remembered.  He was so mellow, in fact, that he fell asleep on me.  Again, I could have sat like that for hours.  But we had to leave and say our goodbyes.  It was hard to leave, but seeing the wonderful care and love our son was receiving made the departure a little more bearable.

 On Friday, March 29th, we appeared at the court in Addis Ababa where we were escorted into a small room where a judge would make the final ruling on our adoption.  She asked a few questions about our motivation to adopt, our family life, and our plans for maintaining the Ethiopian culture in our son's future.  I guess we answered favorably, because after explaining that the court's decision is irrevocable and confirming that we did, indeed, want to adopt this child (um, yes!!!!), she declared, "Congratulations.  Agegnew (his given name) is all yours."  I cried tears of joy.  We officially have a son.

So This Is Really Happening

Wow.  Time sure does fly.  We leave for Ethiopia this Thursday, March 14th.  For the last week and a half, we have been darting around like crazy people trying to organize everything for work, kids, packing, and our house renovations.  We have about fifteen lists floating around the kitchen counter.  I think I might even have a list of lists.  Just kidding.

One of the major items we have been attempting to check off our "Travel Plans List" is to piece together our itinerary.  We decided to take additional time to travel for this trip - it is quiet at the inn and grandparents have stepped up to the plate to care for the girls, so we are taking advantage and exploring our son's country.  On Thursday, we fly from Boston to D.C. where we will spend the night at an airport hotel.  Friday morning, we fly direct from D.C. to Addis and will arrive there early Saturday morning (a thirteen hour flight).  We'll spend the day in a state of total jet-lag and culture shock and on Sunday afternoon fly to the remote Omo Valley in the southern region of the country.  Originally, we had planned to travel the northern historic route - an itinerary many people opt for when exploring Ethiopia.  But after researching some alternatives, we discovered the Omo Valley where there is tons of wildlife and African tribes still remain.  In ten years, the area will likely become more modernized and tribe life will gradually phase out.  There is no place like this in Africa and it is the epitome of Ethiopia.  It will likely be rugged travel and running water may be a novelty, but this, for us, will be the trip of a lifetime.  We couldn't pass up the opportunity. 

After our adventures with tribes, we return to Addis on March 24th and then head down to the care center where Kaleb is on the 25th.  We will finally meet our little guy and spend the day with him.  We will also get to meet with a pediatrician and ask any questions about health, etc.  On the 26th, we return, once again, to Addis where we will meet with a lawyer who will walk us through the court procedure.  There is a shopping excursion, I believe to the famous Mercado Market on the 27th, and on the 28th, we have a free day - not sure, yet how we will spend it.  The 29th is our big day - court - when, if all goes smoothly, Kaleb will become legally ours.

We chose to stay through the weekend just in case there are any glitches with court and we need to reappear on the Monday.  So on Saturday morning, we will fly up to Lalibella, the highlight of the north historic route and spend two days exploring the region and checking out the rock churches before flying out of Addis on Monday night and returning to Boston on April 2nd. 

I'm kind of exhausted just writing this!  So between now and Thursday, we will be tying up lose ends and continuing to check things off those lists.  It has been challenging trying to pack since we are not living at our house, so some of the items on those many lists are things like "Pick up bug spray from "real" house" and "Grab black capris from attic."  I'm not exactly sure where anything actually is - we packed up our kitchen last week and the food from our pantry is now living in our bath tub while our pots and pans are in the garage.  Our bedroom floor is littered with small appliances like our toaster oven and coffee maker, so wading through the mess to get to my dresser to "grab green tee shirt" is tricky.  But this is all good stuff and we are having fun with our lists and plans.  Soon enough, those lists will turn into reality - can't wait!

We're Getting There....

It has been awhile since I've posted, but a few important steps have happened in order for us to travel.  On December 18th, we were submitted to court.  This simply means that all our documents have been received by the Ethiopian court and the authorities over there are now working toward getting all the necessary elements in order before we appear in court to make Kaleb's adoption official.  Then, last Friday, January 4th, we received word that our court review date is January 25th.  So, by this date, a specific letter from the Ministry of Women in Ethiopia must be received and the case will be reviewed.  If all goes smoothly, we will be issued a court date shortly thereafter.  This is a somewhat new process and we are one of the first families traveling for court under this procedure.  Previously, there was not a pre-court review date so when families traveled to court, there were occasions when that important letter was not received and the family would have to either wait in Ethiopia or return to the States without having passed court.  The review date ensures that our court appearance will likely go according to plan, but it seems to delay the time from referral to court date slightly.  It also seems, according to a few blogs I've been stalking written by adoptive families who have gone through the new process, that the time from court assignment date to actual travel may be quite short - as little as a week.  So, it is possible that at the end of January we will be assigned a court date and be due in court in early February.  At this point, our estimated date of travel for court is sometime in the first two weeks of February.  Which means that within four weeks, we will likely be setting foot in our son's country.  Crazy!

Despite the fact that the inn is fairly quiet this time of year, we've been running around with our heads cut off trying to think of everything we can to tie up prior to travel.  We have to consider staffing, childcare (there is a good chance we will be gone during winter break when there is no school or day care for the girls), and packing (the list of things to pack is daunting...especially when, if you forget something, it is not a matter of simply running to CVS for toothpaste).  We also just found out that one of our interns has decided to return to the UK since one of her friends died and she needs to be with family and friends right now.  We understand and support her decision and have even found a couple students currently in the U.K. who might be available to fill in for her last half of the placement.  There is a lot of paperwork to be done for that in addition to the usual paperwork for filing for our new interns to start in June and our Jamaican staff returning for the summer.  A lot to tie up prior to travel.  So lists are being made, all our close friends and family are on alert, and we are getting super excited to travel.  Oh, and I've had to go shopping for some more conservative attire - long skirts, scarves, elbow length baggier tops, and close toed shoes will be in my suitcase.  And I may even leave my hair straightener at home :)

It still hasn't quite sunk in that this trip will culminate in meeting our son.  James made the perfect analogy - this is like planning a wedding and then having the honeymoon.  You plan and plan and plan for the wedding and that is the focus of what you do for months.  Then, after the wedding, you get to go on an amazing honeymoon which almost took a back seat because of all the wedding planning.  There was no time to get excited about the honeymoon, but that was the best part.  For us, there is so much organizing to do prior to travel - plus, we are planning on extending our trip to explore the North region of Ethiopia while we are there, so we are in contact with a driver over there to help plan that itinerary.  With all the check lists and organizing going through our heads, it hasn't quite registered that our son will be the honeymoon at the end of all this orchestration.  And yet, as unreal as it seems right now, I know that a year from now, when he is home and it is hard to imagine life without him, all this work will be worth it.  And to be honest, I loved planning our wedding - one of the happiest days of my life.  It is work and a lot of unknown timeframes, but I am loving this time - there is a lot of adrenaline in us when it comes to love.

Approved..finally

This blog has temporarily been hijacked by James. What does that mean? Expect a dry, to the point blog. Maybe when Jill has a free moment (very few these days) she can add a little humor.

Typical USCIS approval takes 45 days. We need this approval to bring an orphan into the United States. It is also the last thing we need to mail in our otherwise completed dossier. When we hit day 60 on January 10th, we decided to call. Why the delay? Do you need more information? Unfortunately, we were told that since the address was wrong on the original paperwork, our application was put in a holding pattern. Then, USCIS hired temporary workers who passed our paperwork off to someone else. Ugghh..

Thankfully, a few days before we are due to fly to Naples to visit Nana, our approval arrived. The final piece of paperwork we needed to mail off our dossier. So, Friday, our dossier was overnighted to our adoption agency Holt.

So what's next? On Monday Holt will get our dossier. They then have to approve it and then we get put on a waitlist for a referral. There have been some recent changes with Ethiopian adoption which are leading to longer wait times. When we started this process, we were expecting a 3 to 9 month wait, but probably 5 months. With the recent changes, we are told it may take about 12 months. So, why we hoped to bring our child home by the end of this year, we maybe looking at the middle of next year. So now, all we can do is hope that this stage goes quicker than we think. Here is to hope.

Homestudy? Check! Fingerprints? Check!

On November 10th, our final home study finally arrived from Angel Adoptions and James immediately rushed it off to FedEx along with our 600A form and documents for immigration. He made it just as the mail guy was leaving and he generously agreed to wait while James packaged it all up and sent it on its way. Wahoo! Unfortunately, the next day, after looking a little more closely at the home study, James noticed our address was slightly wrong. So we had to go through some logistics to get that changed, but it seems to be taken care of now and hopefully hasn't delayed the process. It did teach us to triple check everything though! While we wait for our 600A approval from immigration, James sent another copy of our home study to get state certified on November 18th. This, along with our USCIS approval will be part of the dossier (the ultimate collection of paperwork that goes to Holt and then Ethiopia).

Less than a week later, the home study was returned to us. We were surprised at the speedy turnaround, but when we opened it, realized that it had not been state certified but mailed back to us as the notarized documents within it were not done according to new Massachusetts standards. What?! We then had to figure out exactly what the new standards were and get the Power of Attorney document redone. We went to three different banks before finding a notary with the proper stamp that didn't expire within a year. Meanwhile, we received notice that our 600A was approved and we received an appointment to go to Cranston, RI for our FBI fingerprinting appointment. The appointment was for December 6th at 8:00 am and since James had to be chef at work that morning, making this appointment would be extremely challenging. We had read that couples sometimes went for their appointment early to gain some time in the whole process, so we decided to take a gamble and drive the two hours to Cranston in hopes they would squeeze us in a week early. We also decided to try to kill two birds with one stone and take our home study personally into Boston to get state certified to ensure we had done it correctly this time. We figured if it was incorrect, we could at least get clarification on what we needed to do properly and save time with going back and forth in the mail. So the day would involve five hours worth of driving with no guarantee that anything would get accomplished.

On Tuesday, November 30th, Grandma and Grandpa came to watch the girls for the day and James and I headed to work - James was chef and I was helping to serve and we were thankfully able to escape and be on the road for Rhode Island at 10:30am. We arrived at the fingerprinting office at 12:30 and were told we would need to come back for our originally scheduled appointment on Monday the 6th. We told the officer that we had driven all the way from Chatham in hopes they could squeeze us in and that the 6th would be very challenging with work committments. After speaking with his boss since he claimed it was a very busy day (though we were one of two parties there), he agreed to squeeze us in and we were to come back in an hour. Phew! We went out for a really good sushi lunch at "Uncle Sushi," a little hole in the wall James found online and returned at 1:30 at which point there were maybe three couples there and we were in and out in ten minutes. I have a feeling they tend to make it seem like it's a big deal to override your original appointment so not everyone does this, but with a little arm twisting, it's probably fairly easy to do unless they do actually have a really busy day. So one mission down, one to go. Off to Boston and once again, success! We had gotten the proper notary stamp and left the building with a state certified home study. Now all we have to do is wait for our fingerprinting approval to send off to Holt with our home study and once they approve it and send it off to Ethiopia, we will be on a wait list for our baby...then the countdown will really begin!

Tick Tock....

Boy am I eager to complete this home study step and move on already! It has taken ages to get the home study from our local agency over to Holt and I have to admit, we are getting a bit antsy. We realize we are going to have to deal with waiting throughout this process so we try not to get too worked up at each stage. It's just very hard to know that our baby may already be born and it is rough to wait to get our hands on our little guy or girl or at least know whether it is a boy or girl. I feel very lucky that we have two biological daughters keeping us busy and entertained while we wait. So many couples have already gone through years of infertility and now have to wait through a long journey of unknowns before they can bring their child home. I'm pretty sure I would go absolutely insane without the distraction of two toddlers to occupy my every waking moment.

I wonder what our baby's gender is and what his or her name is. I wonder the circumstances under which she came to be placed for adoption and the care she is in now. Is she even born? Does she have biological brothers or sisters? Does she have any family members alive? This is so different from my pregnancies during which I took every precaution possible - no walking through x-rays at airports, no eating raw meats or fish or cheese that wasn't pasteurized. No coffee. No wine. No standing too close to the microwave. It all seemed so controlled. But the truth is, whether I carry my child or someone else does the honors, we have little control over how our babies come to us. As diligent as I was with both my pregnancies, my first daughter was born 7 weeks premature and my second sent me on bed rest due to early labor. But they are fine now just as I suspect my third will be once he or she finally finds his way to our home. And until then, I'll just have to settle for wondering...