Debbie Downer

It is probably not a great idea to write a blog post when I am in such a sour mood, but I thought if I get some of this negative energy out of my head and out into cyberspace, perhaps my spirits will be lifted. I do apologize for the "Debbie Downer" nature of this post, though.
 
February 8th, our last assigned deadline for our very important recommendation letter from the Women's Ministry in Ethiopia, has come and gone and we just found out the letter was not received. My reaction? I think I slammed a few things around and jumped down James' throat unnecessarily over something completely unrelated. Then I decided to feel very sorry for myself and drown my sorrows in retail therapy. But I wasn't in much of a shopping mood so I abandoned my plan and planted myself on my couch which pretty much brings you up to speed.
 
Like me, you are probably wondering if a new deadline for this letter will be issued. Or, perhaps the letter could materialize any day as the Ministry is currently working through a backlog of cases. Or, maybe nothing at all will happen until the courts reopen at the end of the month and all the days of sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for some shred of news will be in vain. I have no answers to these questions, nor does our agency.
 
When Paige asked me last night when her baby brother was coming, I just about lost it. Instead I explained that we don't know yet, but he will come and in the meantime, we can dream about what it will be like to have a baby brother. Abigail was listening intently and out of the blue she chimed in. "He's always in our hearts," she said. I'm not sure where she picked this phrase up or how a four year old managed to utter these words at exactly the right moment.
 
I remember her words now as I try to make peace with the unknown timeframe ahead of us.  Yes, our son is always in our hearts.  That’s probably why the ambiguity of what is to come makes my heart so heavy.  And so, with heavy hearts, we continue to wait…