We're Going to Ethiopia!!!

Finally, finally we have been issued a court date.  Almost four months to the day from when we got our referral, we learned that the MOWYCA letter required to receive a court date was received for our case and we were scheduled for court on March 29^th. 

We actually found out in kind of a roundabout way.  James and I were on our way home from an overnight in Boston.  The day before, we had been invited to attend a AAA Four Diamond Award luncheon as the inn was receiving its 27^th consecutive four diamond status (yeah us!).  James surprised me by having his parents watch the girls while we got to spend an adult evening partying like rock stars in Boston.  Since it was a Tuesday (historically, Tuesdays have been the days on which court dates are assigned), I had all my toes and fingers crossed that we would get our much anticipated call or email right in the middle of the luncheon and would then spend the remainder of the day celebrating.  I’m not sure why I conjure up fantasies like these as inevitably, I am disappointed.  Still, the lack of news didn’t damper our time in Boston.  We even ate at a great Ethiopian restaurant for dinner that evening. 

On our way back to the Cape, I got a message from another adoptive mother who is also working with our agency and is at about the same point as us in the process.  She had just spoken to the social worker at the agency and learned that a court date had been issued.  Since our two families were at the top of the list waiting for dates, she assumed that the family was ours.  But our inboxes sat empty and our phones didn’t ring no matter how much I attempted to will it to life.  Since I was driving, I pleaded with James to send an email to the agency to at least find out if our MOWYCA letter had been received.  The good news was that a court date had been assigned.  This meant the courts had reopened and things were moving.  The bad news was that we were still in the dark about our case.

About an hour later, we pulled into the driveway and were unloading the car.  James’ inbox chime sounded, and I noticed him checking the message.  “Guess what?” he said.  “That court date was ours!!!”  My heart skipped a beat and I did a little happy dance.  “We’re going to Ethiopia!!”  I screamed at the top of my lungs.

But for every step forward, there seems to be a caveat.  The email announcing our court date also instructed not book our flights just yet as they have to check something about our travel dates with the Ethiopian staff.  So, nearly 48 hours later, we are eagerly awaiting the go ahead to book and as each hour passes, we get more and more nervous that there is something wrong.

If all goes smoothly, though, our court date is scheduled for March 29^th.  Since we plan to travel throughout Ethiopia during this first trip, we hope to fly out on the 14^th and include an 8-9 day itinerary to sightsee in the Northern part of the country before returning to Addis to meet our son and proceed with the court hearing.

And so, once again, we wait for an email or phone call officially telling us we are going to meet…..holy cow!  My inbox chime just sounded.  Instinctively, I grabbed my phone and there it was.  An email forwarded to me by James from our agency.  We are cleared to book our flights.  Time to get packing!!  We're finally going to meet Kaleb.

Debbie Downer

It is probably not a great idea to write a blog post when I am in such a sour mood, but I thought if I get some of this negative energy out of my head and out into cyberspace, perhaps my spirits will be lifted. I do apologize for the "Debbie Downer" nature of this post, though.
 
February 8th, our last assigned deadline for our very important recommendation letter from the Women's Ministry in Ethiopia, has come and gone and we just found out the letter was not received. My reaction? I think I slammed a few things around and jumped down James' throat unnecessarily over something completely unrelated. Then I decided to feel very sorry for myself and drown my sorrows in retail therapy. But I wasn't in much of a shopping mood so I abandoned my plan and planted myself on my couch which pretty much brings you up to speed.
 
Like me, you are probably wondering if a new deadline for this letter will be issued. Or, perhaps the letter could materialize any day as the Ministry is currently working through a backlog of cases. Or, maybe nothing at all will happen until the courts reopen at the end of the month and all the days of sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for some shred of news will be in vain. I have no answers to these questions, nor does our agency.
 
When Paige asked me last night when her baby brother was coming, I just about lost it. Instead I explained that we don't know yet, but he will come and in the meantime, we can dream about what it will be like to have a baby brother. Abigail was listening intently and out of the blue she chimed in. "He's always in our hearts," she said. I'm not sure where she picked this phrase up or how a four year old managed to utter these words at exactly the right moment.
 
I remember her words now as I try to make peace with the unknown timeframe ahead of us.  Yes, our son is always in our hearts.  That’s probably why the ambiguity of what is to come makes my heart so heavy.  And so, with heavy hearts, we continue to wait…

 

Holding My Breath

Over the course of the last two and a half years, I have learned not to hold my breath when it comes to anticipating milestones for eventually getting our child. From the moment we submitted application, we hit obstacle after obstacle.  I typically tend to see the glass half full so despite the seemingly endless series of setbacks, I constantly expected things to get better.  But while the adoption process hasn’t soured me and turned my optimism to pessimism, it has forced me to become a realist. 
 
In reality, I don’t think we will be traveling until March.  But in the back of my mind, the positive-thinking Jill still holds hope for a February travel date.  As indicated in my previous post, one of the most recent delays is due to our agency’s license expiring and a backlog of agencies waiting for the same thing.  Without a license, the Ministry of Women in Ethiopia will not issue letters of recommendation for adoptive families and without that letter, no court date will be issued.  And so, on January 25^th our letter was due in court, but did not materialize.  Our case was then issued a new deadline of February 8^th – this Friday for the letter to arrive.  There have been murmurings that the Ministry was to start issuing letters again this week.  Ours would be the first of our agency’s cases (as far as I know) for which the letter is due. 
 
Potentially, then, on Friday, if our letter is received, we could be issued a court date shortly thereafter.  The other caveat, however, is that supposedly Ethiopian courts are closed until February 22^nd.  Yet court dates are still being issued and I have heard that they aren’t exactly closed, but are catching up on a build up of cases.  Are we one of those cases?  I’m not sure.  Optimistically, the letter could be received Friday, a court date could be issued shortly thereafter, and we could be traveling in two weeks.  That is the best case, and highly unlikely scenario. 
 
Worst case scenario is that our letter is not received, we are issued a new deadline date two weeks down the road, we receive a court date soon after that, and travel mid-March.  Well, I suppose that is not worst case scenario, but I can’t emotionally afford to think of every potential thing that could go wrong!
 
Clearly, we have no answers.  And with no answers and vague indications of what actually is transpiring across the world where our son is waiting for us, we cling to hypotheses.  We find ourselves trying to calculate and make sense of something that is futile.  “Well, IF, our letter is received Friday, and they immediately issue a court date and we get a court date even during this supposed closure, we could spend Valentine’s Day in Ethiopia!”  Right.  Even optimistic Jill realizes the impossibility of that one.  Still, over a glass or two of wine at night, we fantasize about the day, hopefully sooner than later, when the voice on the other end of the phone will say, “book your tickets.  You’re going to see your son.”

 

The Roller Coaster Ride

The end of January is approaching and still, no court date.  Our court review date was yesterday, January 25^th and typically a travel date is issued within a week or so of that milestone.  For us, though, once again, things are delayed.  Two issues are standing in our way of travel: first, our agency is in the process of renewing their agency license to place children in Ethiopia.  The license expired in December and there was a backlog of agencies in line to renew.  While there is a two month grace period, they have no way of knowing when their license will be reissued.  Without a license, the Ministry of Women’s Affairs in Ethiopia will not write a letter of recommendation for us to move forward with our adoption case and without that letter, court dates will not be issued.  According to our agency, an inspection has been done and families who had previously adopted through them were interviewed, so it seems all procedures have been completed in order to renew the license – it’s just a matter of actually doing so.  And while this could conceivably happen any day, the other factor standing in our way of receiving a court date is that the Ethiopian courts have just announced they will be closing from February 5-22 to catch up on cases in progress so no new dates will be issued during that time.

And so, once again, we wait with no clear answers and no ability to estimate timing.  Over the course of the last two and a half years, we have done our best to understand that we are dealing with a third world country and this process is bound to hit walls and take unexpected detours.  But our frustration is mounting and there is nothing we can do about the circumstances.  So after stewing about the elongated timeline and pining for the day when we will finally meet our son, we turn control of the situation to a higher power and have faith that there is a reason for the painstaking amount of time this whole process is taking.

I do know that one day, in the not-to-distant future, we will have Kaleb home with us and all the heartache we currently feel will be a vague memory I can only compare to giving birth.  It is absolutely torturous at the time – an event one would never conceive of reliving.  And then the baby is born and the pain is forgotten and many of us go back for more.  

A friend of mine who I have never met, but commiserate with via email regularly about our Ethiopian adoption processes, painted the perfect analogy of all the waiting and unknowns.  Remember when you were a kid and went to an amusement park and all the popular rides had long, long lines of people winding around roped off aisles anxiously awaiting the adrenaline rush that was just minutes ahead?  You would think you were just about at the end of the line and then, unfailingly, you’d enter a room of a dozen more roped off aisles and there would be another lengthy wait ahead.  Then, the ride would break down and there would be a delay while the engineer team had to come repair it.  But finally, you’d get on the ride and speed along the tracks and in and out of loops, your hands in the air, fearless, despite the risky venture on which you have embarked.  And then, when the ride comes to a halt and the next rider takes your seat and asks, “was it worth it?” you nod vigorously and assure him, “absolutely.  I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

The Greatest Announcement

Announcing the news of our referral has been fun. We've been on the phone telling the story over and over, yet never tiring of the events that unfolded on Halloween that have us over the moon with excitement for our son's arrival. But announcing the new addition to Abigail and Paige was unexpectedly, one of those family moments you never can forget.
 
We saved the news of a new baby brother for a few days. Between Halloween and school, the time never seemed right to sit them down and spring a new sibling on them. Then, on Friday evening, two days after we had found out, they got their hands on his picture. "Awwww...cute baby," said Paige (they're both obsessed with babies). We looked at each other and silently agreed with a few facial expressions that this would be a good time.
 

Just needs a prince to dance with!

"That little baby is going to be your new brother," James began. I was prepared for one of the two following reactions: 1. "We don't want a brother. We don't like boys!" or 2. "Mama, can I have some M&M's for dinner?" But rather than disinterest or despair, the announcement was met with delight.  Their eyes lit up and we could see the wheels turning in their heads so we braced ourselves for the countless questions that were sure to ensue.  Again, our expectations were off the mark.  We had anticipated queries about why this baby wasn't growing in mommy's tummy or why his skin is a different color.  But no. 
 
Their primary concern was what he was going to wear.  "We have to buy some boy clothes," Abigail declared immediately, "and some trucks and trains for him to play with."  Then they wondered where he would sleep and when we told them Nana's room (which is currently our guest room most often occupied by Nana), they decided we had to paint it blue and put lots of boys stuff in there.  Then there was worry about Nana's reaction to the boy stuff so we had to call Nana who assured the girls that it would be just fine to redecorate her room and that she actually likes boy stuff and girl stuff.  Who knew? 
 

Their new brother will surely get dressed as a ballerina

Once their questions were answered and their concerns put to rest, the excitement set in and they started acting like two little mothers.  They discussed books they would read to him and songs they would teach him.  Abigail thought Jeffrey would be a good name while Paige leaned toward Lace.  (Side note: neither name will be used.) 
 
They still haven't questioned why their brother isn't coming to us the traditional route.  And when those questions do come up, we're ready.  Until then, we're enjoying listening to the ladies make plans for their new sibling.  They have decided to put him to use as Prince Eric for their Little Mermaid performances and they've added Thomas the Tank stickers to my shopping list so he can do crafts with them.  "He doesn't like princesses Mama," they explained to me, "he's a boy!"  Yes, my dears, but I'm pretty sure he will love the two of you.