Meeting Kaleb

 

We just returned from 2.5 weeks in Ethiopia. People ask how our trip was and I honestly have no idea how to answer. There is no word or phrase or even five minute conversation that can sum up the vast amount we saw and the range of emotions we felt.  In the Omo Valleyin the south of the country, we visited about a half dozen tribes. Some decorated their bodies with paint while another tribe’s tradition was stretching out the lower lip and inserting enormous discs into the stretched out space. The Hammer tribe women must cover their bodies in an orange clay which is to seep into their skin and shaved heads over a four month period. Only then can they get married. We visited one woman in the middle of this process. The hut in which she was“parked” was hot. Really hot. Yet, there was a blazing fire where the hostess of the house was roasting coffee for us. She served it in huge cups which were like hollowed out pumpkins while her naked toddler wandered over to her and helped himself to some milk from her breast. Conveniently, all the women are topless.

Our travels in the Omo Valley were by Land Cruiser.  No other vehicle could possibly have maneuvered the rocky dirt roads.  Asphalt is a rare luxury in Ethiopia.  We had a driver and a tour guide which sounds frivolous but it’s not.  It’s really the only way to travel in Ethiopia.  Between tribe visits, we stopped at markets where natives traded livestock like cattle and chickens as well as teff flour, coffee beans, hops, and locally produced woven blankets, tapestries and scarves.  We were often the only “forenges” (foreigners) as they called us and they were mesmerized by us.  Children stroked our arms as if our white skin might feel different from theirs.  They wanted me to take my sunglasses off to see my eyes and they ran their hands over our hair.  As we tried to make our way through the markets, they held our hands as if we were BFF’s.  We felt like celebrities. 

We hardly noticed the long drives that often ate up entire afternoons.  There was so much beautiful scenery – mountains and wildlife and PEOPLE.  In cities and villages, they were everywhere, walking the streets, always burdened by a back full of sticks or plastic jugs to transport water.  No one really owns cars so they walked from their village for miles in the hot, dry heat, many of the women sporting long dresses and scarves to cover their heads, to procure supplies.  There was no look of discontent, no complaining.  This was – is – their life.  As we got further from the towns, people would be more sparse, but there would always be a few, here and there.  What surprised us most were the young children, miles from any town, by themselves, just kind of hanging out.  There were two year olds, entirely nude, waiting for us “forenges” to drive by and as we approached, they would do little dances and shout, “hello, hello, hello,” in hopes we would stop and throw a granola bar or something out the window.  But visitors are not encouraged to do this, as tempting as it is.  Our tour guide assured us these children had homes and, like cats, would wander back when they got bored or hungry. 

In the North part of the country, we visited Lalibella – the rock churches and monestaries dating back to the ninth century.  We also spent a couple of unexpected nights at a resort in Deibre Zeyet, an hour and a half outside the capital, and a much needed reprieve from all our travels. Throughout our journeys, we feasted on local cuisine, drank the local wines and beers, and took great pleasure in eating with our hands as is customary.  We saw baboons, camels, mini deer-like creatures called dik diks, crocodiles, hippos, and all kinds of exotic birds.  And of course herds and herds of cows, goats and donkeys, sometimes outnumbering the huge volume of people in the streets.

As time permits over the next weeks (okay, months), I plan to post our day by day adventures.  Because there were many.  But despite the vacation of a lifetime, the highlight, of course, was meeting our son.  On Sunday, March 24th, our itinerary with our adoption agency began.  We flew from the south to Addis Ababa and stayed the night at Lucyland, a guesthouse most families adopting through our agency stay at.  By Ethiopian standards, it has all the bells and whistles including a driver who was happy to take us wherever we wanted and a chef who fed us well.

The next morning, we boarded a van along with another adoptive couple and drove to the agency offices where we were given an overview of Ethiopian culture and what to expect at the care center as well as a massive file with all our paperwork including Kaleb's birth certificate with an infant picture we had never seen. 

Then we drove three hours along the typical Ethiopian bumpy roads to Hossana, stopping along the way for a really great authentic Ethiopian lunch.  We arrived to Hossana early so checked into the hotel - $12/night! - and were told to meet in the lobby in an hour.  We decided to explore the town our son was from since we did not anticipate much more free time during our short stay in the area.  We found a driver who took us in a tuk tuk (three wheel taxi) all over.  He spoke no English, but pointed out different areas of the town and was so proud and gracious that we wanted to see his hometown, that we were several minutes late to leave for the care center - not something we really meant to be late for!!

We cannot yet post full pictures of Kaleb

The drive to the center was short, but felt like an eternity.  My heart was racing.  In just a few minutes, the moment we had been envisioning for the last 2.5 years would come to fruition.  I was prepared for stranger anxiety - tears, fear, possibly not being able to hold him as I so wanted to do.  We entered through a gate and found ourselves in a courtyard outlined with mattresses covered in blankets on which infants and toddlers could play.  There was a group of three children to our left - two boys and a girl.  The girl belonged to the other couple we were with and the care taker presented her to them and after she burst into tears, explained that stranger anxiety is normal and helped them transition and settle down with her.  We hung back taking it all in.  "There he is," James said, pointing toward the two boys.  "Which one?" I asked.  I couldn't seem to match a face to the pictures we had - plus, I wasn't really thinking straight.  Then one of the nannies picked up our son and brought him over to me.  I had trained for this for months - Jill, do not snatch him up and waltz him around the courtyard and expect him to giggle and hug you and never want to let you go.  So instead, I bent down to eye level and said a simple hi.  The nanny offered him to me and he didn't resist.  And that was that.  No crying.  So I hugged him close and again, he didn't resist.  I could have stayed like that for hours, but I decided it was only fair to let James have a chance and once again, when Kaleb was handed off to him, no tears.  Just a chilled out little man with curiosity written all over his face.  We played with him on the mattress and he liked these little plastic links we brought.  Twice, he whimpered, but it seemed to be more of a contagious cry as a result of some other kids melting down.  Once we picked him up and cuddled him, he stopped immediately. 

After more playing and cuddling and walking around the courtyard, the nannies offered coffee (which in Ethiopia you just don't refuse), so we gathered around a table where they placed a basket of popcorn to nibble on.  James, a huge popcorn fan, asked if Kaleb could have some.  They said sure,  but he didn't seem to know what to do with it, so James popped a piece in my mouth to demonstrate that it is food.  Right away, he took a piece and popped it in my mouth.  Then he decided feeding me was fun and he meticulously broke off teeny tiny crumbs of popcorn and continued the game.  When his sippy cup of rice cereal came out, though, that was the end of that.  He grabbed his cup and sucked it down in record time.  He saved a little at the end though, and offered it to me.

When we left that evening, we couldn't stop smiling.  We couldn't have imagined a smoother introduction to our son or a child more perfectly suited for us.  Kaleb is laid back, trusting, and kind and best of all, he loves his food.  He is, indeed, a Meyer.

That evening we ate dinner at the hotel restaurant and once again, our feelings about the virtuous people of Ethiopia were confirmed.  The owner of the restaurant helped us pick some local dishes and took great care in making sure we enjoyed our meal. 

The following morning, we visited with Kaleb again.  We prepared ourselves for a meltdown.  Maybe yesterday was a fluke.  He could very well be in a totally different mood today.  But he was the same mellow little guy we remembered.  He was so mellow, in fact, that he fell asleep on me.  Again, I could have sat like that for hours.  But we had to leave and say our goodbyes.  It was hard to leave, but seeing the wonderful care and love our son was receiving made the departure a little more bearable.

 On Friday, March 29th, we appeared at the court in Addis Ababa where we were escorted into a small room where a judge would make the final ruling on our adoption.  She asked a few questions about our motivation to adopt, our family life, and our plans for maintaining the Ethiopian culture in our son's future.  I guess we answered favorably, because after explaining that the court's decision is irrevocable and confirming that we did, indeed, want to adopt this child (um, yes!!!!), she declared, "Congratulations.  Agegnew (his given name) is all yours."  I cried tears of joy.  We officially have a son.

So This Is Really Happening

Wow.  Time sure does fly.  We leave for Ethiopia this Thursday, March 14th.  For the last week and a half, we have been darting around like crazy people trying to organize everything for work, kids, packing, and our house renovations.  We have about fifteen lists floating around the kitchen counter.  I think I might even have a list of lists.  Just kidding.

One of the major items we have been attempting to check off our "Travel Plans List" is to piece together our itinerary.  We decided to take additional time to travel for this trip - it is quiet at the inn and grandparents have stepped up to the plate to care for the girls, so we are taking advantage and exploring our son's country.  On Thursday, we fly from Boston to D.C. where we will spend the night at an airport hotel.  Friday morning, we fly direct from D.C. to Addis and will arrive there early Saturday morning (a thirteen hour flight).  We'll spend the day in a state of total jet-lag and culture shock and on Sunday afternoon fly to the remote Omo Valley in the southern region of the country.  Originally, we had planned to travel the northern historic route - an itinerary many people opt for when exploring Ethiopia.  But after researching some alternatives, we discovered the Omo Valley where there is tons of wildlife and African tribes still remain.  In ten years, the area will likely become more modernized and tribe life will gradually phase out.  There is no place like this in Africa and it is the epitome of Ethiopia.  It will likely be rugged travel and running water may be a novelty, but this, for us, will be the trip of a lifetime.  We couldn't pass up the opportunity. 

After our adventures with tribes, we return to Addis on March 24th and then head down to the care center where Kaleb is on the 25th.  We will finally meet our little guy and spend the day with him.  We will also get to meet with a pediatrician and ask any questions about health, etc.  On the 26th, we return, once again, to Addis where we will meet with a lawyer who will walk us through the court procedure.  There is a shopping excursion, I believe to the famous Mercado Market on the 27th, and on the 28th, we have a free day - not sure, yet how we will spend it.  The 29th is our big day - court - when, if all goes smoothly, Kaleb will become legally ours.

We chose to stay through the weekend just in case there are any glitches with court and we need to reappear on the Monday.  So on Saturday morning, we will fly up to Lalibella, the highlight of the north historic route and spend two days exploring the region and checking out the rock churches before flying out of Addis on Monday night and returning to Boston on April 2nd. 

I'm kind of exhausted just writing this!  So between now and Thursday, we will be tying up lose ends and continuing to check things off those lists.  It has been challenging trying to pack since we are not living at our house, so some of the items on those many lists are things like "Pick up bug spray from "real" house" and "Grab black capris from attic."  I'm not exactly sure where anything actually is - we packed up our kitchen last week and the food from our pantry is now living in our bath tub while our pots and pans are in the garage.  Our bedroom floor is littered with small appliances like our toaster oven and coffee maker, so wading through the mess to get to my dresser to "grab green tee shirt" is tricky.  But this is all good stuff and we are having fun with our lists and plans.  Soon enough, those lists will turn into reality - can't wait!

We're Going to Ethiopia!!!

Finally, finally we have been issued a court date.  Almost four months to the day from when we got our referral, we learned that the MOWYCA letter required to receive a court date was received for our case and we were scheduled for court on March 29^th. 

We actually found out in kind of a roundabout way.  James and I were on our way home from an overnight in Boston.  The day before, we had been invited to attend a AAA Four Diamond Award luncheon as the inn was receiving its 27^th consecutive four diamond status (yeah us!).  James surprised me by having his parents watch the girls while we got to spend an adult evening partying like rock stars in Boston.  Since it was a Tuesday (historically, Tuesdays have been the days on which court dates are assigned), I had all my toes and fingers crossed that we would get our much anticipated call or email right in the middle of the luncheon and would then spend the remainder of the day celebrating.  I’m not sure why I conjure up fantasies like these as inevitably, I am disappointed.  Still, the lack of news didn’t damper our time in Boston.  We even ate at a great Ethiopian restaurant for dinner that evening. 

On our way back to the Cape, I got a message from another adoptive mother who is also working with our agency and is at about the same point as us in the process.  She had just spoken to the social worker at the agency and learned that a court date had been issued.  Since our two families were at the top of the list waiting for dates, she assumed that the family was ours.  But our inboxes sat empty and our phones didn’t ring no matter how much I attempted to will it to life.  Since I was driving, I pleaded with James to send an email to the agency to at least find out if our MOWYCA letter had been received.  The good news was that a court date had been assigned.  This meant the courts had reopened and things were moving.  The bad news was that we were still in the dark about our case.

About an hour later, we pulled into the driveway and were unloading the car.  James’ inbox chime sounded, and I noticed him checking the message.  “Guess what?” he said.  “That court date was ours!!!”  My heart skipped a beat and I did a little happy dance.  “We’re going to Ethiopia!!”  I screamed at the top of my lungs.

But for every step forward, there seems to be a caveat.  The email announcing our court date also instructed not book our flights just yet as they have to check something about our travel dates with the Ethiopian staff.  So, nearly 48 hours later, we are eagerly awaiting the go ahead to book and as each hour passes, we get more and more nervous that there is something wrong.

If all goes smoothly, though, our court date is scheduled for March 29^th.  Since we plan to travel throughout Ethiopia during this first trip, we hope to fly out on the 14^th and include an 8-9 day itinerary to sightsee in the Northern part of the country before returning to Addis to meet our son and proceed with the court hearing.

And so, once again, we wait for an email or phone call officially telling us we are going to meet…..holy cow!  My inbox chime just sounded.  Instinctively, I grabbed my phone and there it was.  An email forwarded to me by James from our agency.  We are cleared to book our flights.  Time to get packing!!  We're finally going to meet Kaleb.